There seems to be a prevailing thought in our culture that when you ask a question you deserve the answer you expect or want or at least a bland politically correct answer.  The idea that anyone would have an opinion other than ours is patently absurd. We proclaim the freedom of speech, but ravage people for not using that freedom to defend what we believe.  This is stupid. To be honest, I can’t stand it when people answer opinion questions in ways that I disagree with, but this is life – the way things should be.  Disagreement, cognitive dissonance, misalignment of opinion is what makes innovation and freedom possible. Asking questions and looking for unconventional answers is what provided the concept of the freedom of speech in the first place. In a society where all people think the same will not be unity but slavery to ideas.  It’s like in 1984 where all the people are told what to believe via their view screens, this is not utopia precisely because nobody is allowed to think.

When we have reached the point where questions are asked not to be answered honestly, but instead to make a political point we have lost some of our humanity.  There is an old journalism truism that says ‘don’t ask a question if you’re not ready for the answer’.  We need to embrace this ethic once again.  Our society will not progress if we’re heading toward a unity of ideas.  It is precisely the cognitive dissonance that occurs when questions are answered differently than we expect that provides us with the ability to move forward and find new, exciting ideas. So yes, Miss California should be praised for answering honestly, but the questioner should be ashamed of himself for asking a question and not wanting an answer but rather a political statement.

The thing I noticed most during the parade was the marching bands.  Those who know me will not find that surprising.  In high school I was intensely invested in marching band.  I loved marching band – and we had a very good one, which is perhaps why I liked it so much. We were good and by and large our band took great pride in looking and being the best we could be.  The thing about the bands on Saturday that I noticed was how crappy most of them looked.  Sure there were a few that had obviously practiced and knew what they were doing, but there were so many of them that just looked sloppy.  I know that band uniforms are expensive and maybe unduly so, but is it so hard to have your band dress the same.  How hard is it to get the whole band to wear a particular color polo shirt and black slacks, shoes AND socks. We had this one kid in my high school band – Kenny – who somehow never figured out that he needed to wear black socks (and not the white ones he would always bring) with our black pants and shoes.  Nonetheless, just this one thing – dressing the same – would have improved the look of the bands by a factor of ten. The other thing was just how bad they actually played their music.  I have never been a master musician – like most things in my life my musical ability excels in the realm of theory – but I always did my best to sound good or at least not bad. Do these bands not practice at all? At this point it would be pretty easy to get into a discussion about arts funding at schools – which is at far lower levels in most school districts than it should be – but that’s not the point of this particular post. This is more about self-respect. Whenever I know that I’m presenting myself in public, be it an announcement at church, a full on sermon or addressing my co-workers about some tech thing in the office – I always try to make sure I look and sound my best.  Partially this is because I don’t want to make a complete butt of myself, but its also about presenting things in a way that they are appreciated and welcomed.  I just got the feeling on Saturday that a lot of these kids didn’t care about what anybody thought of themselves or their bands.  It was sad for me.  But, like I said there were a few bands that had it together and that brought me great joy.

The other thing I noticed – and this is completely shallow – is that a lot of these kids looked like dorks – for lack of a better word.  I know there is the stereotype of the band geek, and heaven knows I was one of them.  It seemed like well over 50% of the kids in several of these bands were the anti-social, live in my parents basement playing D&D types.  It just seemed strange to me because when I was in band I felt like there was a good percentage of our band that was part of the social fabric of our school.  Several of us had received varsity letters in sports.  We had the valedictorian in the band and I believe we even had some student council members.  Sure there were a few people in the band who were ’socially awkward’, but by and large we were a pretty well adjusted group. Maybe there is something different up here in Washington that we didn’t have in Maine.  I don’t know, it just seemed odd to me. And perhaps my high school band that I keep comparing everything to was the odd one and these bands were the normal ones.  Who knows.  I do know that the most important thing to come out of my day at the parades was the warmth of cherished memories of high school and some great friends from band.

The PRIDE weekend was good.  I went in feeling a little nervous about what kind of people would be in the group.  Fortunately my worries were unwarrented. The people in our class were some of the nicest people – all of whom cared greatly for children and really wanted to be parents.  We covered a lot of stuff over the course of the weekend. I could barely start to tell you everything that was covered, all I can tell you is that there was a lot of scarey stuff that, oddly enough, made me want to adopt a child out of the foster system even more.  I can’t believe some of the stuff these kids come out of — and worse yet that the parents actually think it’s acceptable or worse yet the parents have no idea what’s happening because they’re too drunk or high or delusional to even realize.  The part of me that feels compelled to rescue people is so strongly activated that I actually ache for the kinds in the foster system. Anyway… the weekend was good and left Jen and me much more dedicated to adopting.

After the PRIDE weekend we had several weeks of classes – generally it was two classes a week, but on a couple of weeks we only had one.  These classes covered many of the same things we had covered on the retreat, but they were much more in-depth.  The nice thing about the classes was that we got to know our fellow classmates better – though, Jen obviously got to know them better than I did – we also were given the chance to think more in-depth about particular topics regarding adoption.  Jen had thought about a lot of these issues prior to starting the classes because she had read several books about adoption and I had not.  Nonetheless, we had some great conversations on the way home discussing the issues – the only good thing about the 90 minute drive home.

After we finished the class we went home to do homework, which we had actually received during the PRIDE weekend.  Some people had their homework finished the night we finished our classes – that was quite impressive.  Jen and I being the more…hmm…layed back type took a little longer.  We didn’t get our homework in until mid-March (we finished classes at the end of August). Now I’m waiting to hear back from Antioch Adoptions to verify that they have received all of our homework.

Make Mine a Double

Our class has gotten together a couple times since the end of classes.  We got together for a barbeque in early September.  One couple made up a bunch of shirts for us.  On the front they say Antioch Adoptions with the logo and on the back they say ‘Make Mine a Double’ – referencing a joke that we had in the class that almost everybody that adopts one child ends up adopting a second.  We got together again at Christmas time.  Both times it seemed that everyone had a fun time.  Hopefully we’ll get together again sometime this summer.

So that’s where we are.  Right now we’re waiting to hear from Antioch about a) if they have all our stuff (yes, I’ve called to check they just haven’t called me back) and b) when our homestudy will begin.  We’re estimating it’ll be 6 months to a year before the homestudy begins.

What happened; why do people dislike Christians so much? I think that in the process of making salvation easy we expected everyone to jump on board – “see it’s easy, you can do it too.”  When not everyone jumped on board we came to the conclusion that there was something wrong with them and we needed to force them to see why they should jump on board – “I’ll beat the gospel into you.”  The problem is not that there is something wrong with people that aren’t evangelical Christians, it’s that as evangelicals we haven’t made a compelling case for why they should be Christians.  As Gandhi said, “I like their Christ, I don’t like their Christians.”  I’m pretty conservative on most things, but at some point we have to stop and realize that being a hard ass isn’t the only, or best, way of getting things done.

What would happen if we actually spoke the truth in love, rather than in spite saying that it’s in love?  What would happen if we actually started living with the courage of conviction that Jesus requires of us?    What would happen if we started to live out that conviction in our churches?  Strip away the prettiness of church culture, the continual talk of blessing and the Christian-ese.  We would be more real, with much less fakeness.  Our problems would be more visible, but I think there would be less of them because we would be more accountable to each other.  I think it would be distinctly different if people hated us for doing so much good in the world, for loving even when it hurts. I doubt we would be seen as heartless or hypocritical.

Our theology must always embody an ethic. That ethic must live in our lives for it to be relevant and right now it doesn’t feel like that ethic is present in our lives. It all comes down to felt expectations – if we don’t feel like we’re expected to do anything more than say a prayer and walk down an isle then that’s what we’ll do.  On the other hand if we feel there are greater expectations that come along with being a Christian, then that’s what we’ll do.

2. Make an ordered list of what you want and don’t want
Finding the church that is best for you is, more often than not, not a matter of luck, but rather the result of an ordered search.  In order to make an ordered search for the proper church you need to know what it is that you’re looking for in a church.  Make two lists, one of what you want in a church and one of what you don’t want and be specific.  Make sure to order both of these in order of what is most important.  It doesn’t matter how you do this, simply that you do it.  On the list of what you want, order it by what is most important to you to whatever is least important.  Do the same with the other list – what you most don’t want followed by things that are less and less important.  You’ll probably need to make some sacrifices, which is why ordering the list is important.

After you visit a church take some time to compare your lists to the church and see how it matches up.  Remember that you want things to match up on the list of things you want and you don’t want things to match up on the things you don’t want.

3. Visit a lot of churches
It is possible that the first church you visit feels great and you don’t see the need to try other churches.  Even if this happens you should still try several more churches.  This is a terrific opportunity for you to experience lots of different traditions and churches.  Even if you don’t end up going to any of the other churches you visit, you will gain valuable experience and knowledge of the churches in your area.  It’s also distinctly possible that you find another church that you like more.  The more churches you visit the better your chances of finding the church that fits you best.

4. Don’t take too much stock in gossip about a church
People talk.  Church people talk a lot.  There are lots of things that are said about churches and pastors that are the result of only partial information.  Even though you may have heard some bad things about a particular church or pastor you should still try that church.  It is possible that the things you have heard are correct, but it by far more likely that they are incorrect or only partially true.  Because of the high likelihood that there is no truth to the rumors, this is your opportunity to find out the truth about what you have heard as well as try on a church and see how it fits you.  In the worst case, the rumors are true and you don’t go back again.  In the best case the rumors are completely false and it’s a great church.

5. Visit the churches you like more than once
Once you have done all of these things, pick out the two or three church that you like the best – that match up to your lists best – and visit them again.  It’s possible that some of the stuff you disliked the first time were only flukes of that first Sunday you visited.  The first couple of times my wife and I visited the church we currently attend the worship leader was not to our liking.  It actually gave us some concern about attending the church, but we liked everything else about the church, so we gave it another try.  It turns out that the worship leader we didn’t like only leads worship once every couple of months.  The regular worship leaders are actually quite to our liking.  If we had not gone back a third time we would have never found that out.  A very similar thing could happen with you.  Perhaps the regular preaching pastor or worship leader is on vacation.  Perhaps you go on a week when something special is happening.  Attending two, three or even four times will help you to get a good feel for how that church works.  This will help you to make the best, most educated choice about your new church.

6. Pray a lot
Lastly, pray about every church you attend.  Pray before you go, pray afterwards, pray when you’re going over your lists, pray while you’re at the church.  God’s plan for the church you are going to attend may not match up with anything you think you want.  Trust God’s guidance as you go through this process.

7. Be patient
Don’t rush the process.  Lots of times people try to rush the process and simply decide to stick with the first church they try.  While this isn’t always a bad thing, it can keep you from finding the right church for you.  By being patient, working the process and listening to God you will find the church that is right for you.  Don’t be afraid of it taking several months to find the right church, because if you take the time you will find a church that you can stick with for years and years.

We are hopefully going to be keeping you posted through this blog on both how this weekend works out and how the rest of the process works.

The end of the summer brought a change in the form of a new job for Sean at Tacoma Weekly newspaper. He was hired to do graphic design and page layout, but as they quickly found out he was able to do web design and photography they started utilizing all his skills. Having this new full-time job made it possible for Sean to end his job at Enterprise as well as cut back his hours at Fircrest Church as youth director. Jen celebrated her five-year anniversary working in the Missions department at Chapel Hill Church and is still loving what she does. Every day is different and full of surprises and occasionally stresses, but it is well worth it to be able to help people serve the poor and hurting in God’s world. Sean decided to fully resign at the church by the end of the year and had his last day there on December 31. It was difficult to leave, especially to say goodbye to the youth group kids, but it was a needed and good change. So, for the first time in our marriage, Sean has only one job and we have only one church to attend. A nice feeling!

We’ve just finished the last of our holidays with our annual New Year’s Eve party. Another great reminder of the wonderful friends we have here, both new and old. Both Thanksgiving and Christmas were spent in Lincoln City, OR this year with Jen’s family. The nieces are getting older and two year old Lily had a great time with the new baby doll that Boppy and Nonna (Jen’s parents) got her for Christmas and six year old Maya continues to beat us all at Match card games.

Even with all this, we’re not quite settled yet. Sean continues to apply to doctroate programs (Duke and Harvard this year) and we await their responses in March. Many plans for our future depend on these decisions so we are trying to patiently enjoy life as it is right now and make plans once we know more. So, again, we’re still a little up in the air, but we’re having fun and look forward to all that will happen in 2007. There could be lots of changes, or not many at all, but we’re ready for anything. God continues to bless our lives with good times with friends and family and with each other and with good jobs that we enjoy. We trust that there are more good things in store. Perhaps not safe, but good.